Liberal Heathen Cranberry Sauce

Rinse two bags of cranberries, which, if you’re working with loose models picked from your backyard bog, is about six cups' worth. Empty them into your wok. This alone will reassure the cranberries that they’re not in the hands of a red state evangelical. Freakallujah!

Add:
1 & 1/2 cups of apple cider
1 cup of sugar
2 tablespoons of fresh squeezed lemon juice
and a teaspoon or two of zest from one of the seemingly innumerable Clementines colonizing the apartment. The kiddies won't eat it no matter what you do, but just in case, mince that zest up fine so the finicky young can’t detect it visually.

Bring it to a low boil over medium heat. Let it pop and fart for twenty minutes or so, then eat some, and put the rest in the fridge for later. Screw holiday tradition! This one begs year-round eatin'!

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